| Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen 'Hey, you' |
| Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. |
| I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. |
| When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism but when you take it from many writers, it's research. |
| The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep. |
| A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. |
| The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. |
| The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong. |
| To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. |
| Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. |
| Always be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet the same people on the way down. |
| A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. |
| God help those who do not help themselves. |
