| If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know |
| I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters. |
| I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. |
| Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. |
| You can't have everything. Where would you put it |
| A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here. |
| The Meaning Of Life The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go. |
| What's another word for Thesaurus |
| If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it |
| Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. |
| My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. |
| I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. |
| Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. |
| I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. |
| I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. |
| It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. |
| It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. |
| If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer |
| Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you' |
| Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. |
| There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. |
| When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' |
