| A politician is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing. |
| Only grown-ups have difficulty with childproof bottles. |
| Before borrowing money from a friend it's best to decide which you need most. |
| America Where a man can say what he thinks, if he isn't afraid of his wife, his boss, his customer, his neighbors, or the government. |
| It's hard to say who gets criticized the most, the successful person, or the failure but it's mighty close. |
| You can always get the truth from a politician after he has turned seventy, or given up all hope of the Presidency. |
| Childhood is that wonderful time when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath. |
| If you want to make certain a job gets done, give it to somebody who is really busy. They'll have their secretary do it. |
| Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and just before you realize what's wrong with it. |
| Marriage is like a dollar bill. You cannot spend half of it when you tear it in two. The value of one half depends upon the other. |
| As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit and parking as close to the stadium as possible. |
| The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know. |
| Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people. |
| Marriage love, honor, and negotiate. |
| It's hard to tell if the world is actually growing worse, or if the news coverage is just better. |
| It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry. |
| Money is a strange thing. It ranks with love as our greatest source of joy, and with death as our greatest source of anxiety. |
| There are no answers, only cross-references. |
| After a person makes his mark in the world, a lot of people will come around with erasers. |
| Appetizers are the little things you keep eating until you lose your appetite. |
| A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some. |
| If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people He gives it to. |
| You can't trust a promise someone makes while they're drunk, in love, hungry, or running for office. |
| There are still some honest people left in the world, but they never seem to find anything you lose. |
| The mind is a wonderful thing. It starts working the minute you're born, and doesn't stop until you get up to speak in public. |
