| I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. |
| Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. |
| From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. |
| Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. |
| I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. |
| A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. |
| Go, and never darken my towels again. |
| I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. |
| I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. |
| It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. |
| Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. |
| She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. |
| My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. |
| Women should be obscene and not heard. |
| Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. |
| Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. |
| Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. |
| Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. |
