| California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. |
| The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. |
| If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard - let him worry about cutting it. |
| I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there. |
| A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. |
| You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. |
| Imitation is the sincerest form of television. |
| I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. |
| Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns he should be drawn and quoted. |
| Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. |
| Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. |
| What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement |
| A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. |
| Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done. |
| Television is the triumph of machine over people. |
